Father Bob White
Back in the 150Os a man by the name of Ignatius (he’d later become a saint) had a dream. He wanted to start a religious order that would revitalize a church that had grown quite complacent in its zeal for the Gospel. Just when it looked like his dream would happen it was brought to his attention that there were rumors that the pope had intentions of shutting down the newly form society of Jesus, which we now know as the Jesuits.
When his companions learned of this, they confronted Ignatius with this question. “If the pope does shut your down how long it will it take you to let go of your dream and move on with your life?” Ignatios thought for a long minute. And then looked up and said, “It wouldn’t be easy. And I could do it if I had to. But to let the dream die, I’d need at least a half hour to get there.”
When we have a dream that means everything to us, we don’t just get over it right away. Dying to a dream takes time. The loss first needs to be grieved before you can die to the dream, put it to rest and move on with your life.
And so, it is that we hear Jesus tell us “Unless the grain of wheat falls to the ground it remains just a grain of wheat. But if it falls to the ground and dies it can produce much fruit.” That’s from John 12:26.
Grieving a loss is one kind of letting go. But there are other things we need to let go of. I remember my first homily in the parish. My family made it a point to be at the mass. I wanted to impress them, so I was going to give the homily of my life. And when Sunday came, I did that. I thought I hit it out of the park. After mass, fishing for the compliment that I was sure I was going to get I made the mistake of asking my mother, “So, mom, what did you think of homily?”
She wasted no time telling me and minced no words. In her direct way I got it both barrels, “Too long! And that story you were telling. Where was that going? It made no sense.” I never saw it coming. My ego wasn’t ready for that. With my newly ordained tail between my legs, I had a choice. Do I pout about it. Or do I shallow my pride and learn from it?
I once heard it said, “Pray for at least one good humiliation a day. And when it comes watch how you respond to it.” Larning from those humbling moments, I’d have to say for me it is one of the best ways I know for learning how not to take myself too seriously. So, with the next humbling moment that comes your way if you can laugh at yourself instead of beating up on yourself you know you’re making progress.
Someone once told me if that he had to give a title for his life story, he’d call it “The good, the bad, and the ugly.” True, in life when we make a mess of things it can get ugly.
Yet, there is another way to look at it. Whether we know it or not God’s grace is at work in our lives. As we become aware of that patter of grace we see how the way we once were in the past now forgiven can be the gift that reshapes our lives into who we are today. So, aware of how God’s grace has been at work in our lives we could call our stories “the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful” since that’s what God’s grace is, a truly beautiful thing.
When we accept and forgive ourselves for who we are today, we’re set free. We no longer have to hang on to old regrets or those many other things in our lives that we wish could have turned out differently.
“Unless the grin of wheat falls to the ground it remains just a grain of wheat.” What is it in your life that you are being invited to let go of and die to? That will be different for each one of us. For some it may be dying to our ego’s need to impress others. For others it may be dying to the dream that you had hoped would happen but never did.
Learning to accept life as it is, this is what opens the way to new freedom in our lives. And with that freedom the invitation is always the same. “Learn to die before you die so that when you die you will have already died to whatever in you that needs to die.” That’s that grain of wheat fallen to the ground that sets us free. And we don’t have to wait for heaven to be set free. With God’s grace we can be set free right now. That’s up to us.
